I have not really thought about the filtering process in a long time. I have been with my boyfriend for over five years so I have not looked for a potential romantic partner in a quite a long time. However, when I was searching for a potential partner, there were a few things that made the other person automatically unattractive. This is very superficial but I used some preinteraction cues. The biggest thing for me was whether the other person had good teeth. That was the first thing that I would notice. This would fall into the physical beauty category. The next thing is the type of shoes the person was wearing. It is slightly embarrassing to admit that but I feel that a person's shoes say a lot about them. If they are torn up or really old, that shows me that they don't necessarily take care of themselves. Another thing that made people unattractive to me was if the conversation started out awkward. Granted, we have all experienced awkward moments with people, however, if you are working hard to begin a conversation, talking points may run out quickly.
After learning about Duck's theory, it does make a lot of sense to me. It makes sense that we would develop relationships with people who share our values and beliefs. It also makes sense that people are more attractive based on location. It is one thing to begin dating someone and the other person moves away and the relationship continues, however, in the beginning relationships should be fun and it is much easier to get to know somebody in person, in my opinion.
I admit that I have judged people based on preinteraction cues in the past. However, I have had a few opportunities to get to know these people and have changed my mind about them. It just goes to show that you "can't always judge a book by it's cover."
In the end, Duck's theory makes a lot of sense to me. Now, when meeting people for the first time, I will consciously make note of these filters and whether or not they are taking place.
I thought it was interesting how you mention preinteraction cues such as "good teeth" or "shoes" because these things may relate to your values. You mention how these elements of a person signal health, or cleanliness. These may be things that you value in your own life. I think it's funny how you mention these two things, because a nice smile is the first thing I look at when judging physical attractiveness. I never thought about it until I read your post, but not only is a nice smile aesthetically pleasing, but it also signals good hygiene, which is something that I value in my own life.
ReplyDeleteI also find it interesting that our preinteraction cues are similar. I think that a lot of people's preinteraction cues are similar, and that we have a concept of beauty set by our culture where good teeth and nice shoes agrees with our definition of physical attractiveness. I could go ask my girlfriends what they look for in physical appearance, and I would bet money that half of them would say a nice smile :).
Sweet Dee,
ReplyDeleteYour preinteraction cues such as "good teeth" and "shoes" were interesting to me. Having good teeth does indicate how hygienically conscious they are and how they take care of themselves. But shoes don't necessarily say how they take care of themselves. I don't think men are as fashion conscious as women are, so they may not think they are worn out or may find that they are really comfortable and do not want to part with them. This doesn't mean they don't care about themselves. It could also mean the person is careful with finances and does not splurge on the latest fashions. Then again it could signal that this person is a "scrooge!"
My point is that I think we need to get to know the person beyond their "teeth" and "shoes" to really see if we can have a relationship or not. I am glad you no longer judge based on preinteraction cues.