I believe that men and women use language differently. The examples given in the book about the man making plans without consulting the woman but the woman confirming with the man before making plans really makes sense to me. That happens all the time in my relationship. My boyfriend will make plans for us without talking to me first but I always check with him before making plans for us. The book says that men need to be autonomous where women like to be perceived as in a relationship. This makes sense because men are brought up to be strong, masculine and not show their emotions. When they must consult about plans with their partner it makes them seem as if they are asking permission and that goes against the stereotype.
Something else I find interesting is it seems men take what is said in a conversation at face value where women may try to find other meanings within what was said. Men are much more straight forward in their conversations but women like to share more. Women talk about things that are more personal than men do. Women talk about family and problems within a relationship where men focus on sports or news.
Obviously there could be other factors that shape how we communicate. Gender does however have some effect on language use.
I liked your post and how you related to the example used in the text. I agree, guys take things for face value and we women try to reexamine everything they just said and find that deeper meaning. This entire topic reminds me of the movie "He Just Not That Into You"...right? In the movie the women are always talking to eachother about what is going on with one another relationships. The men however keep most to themselves. And in the movie the one guy who does express his emotions is percieved as kind of weak and feminine. This is sad. Why can't men be expressive and emotional about the women they love. Well, because it goes against the gender roles. I must point out that the text says men have a more successful rate with bringing of topics with women then vice versa so they are communicating better in some ways. We need to understand these ideas about the way we communicate in order to make progress in communicating with one another. Good insight and hope your boyfriend will read the chapter so he can understand why we women like to be consulted before plans are made :).
ReplyDeleteI also wrote about the languages differences in men and women. My boyfriend will also occasionally make decisions and not think to consult with me first, whereas I usually do. I think that women tend to analyze other meanings instead of taking things at face value because we expect other women to do the same. Often times, we’ll tone things down a bit to keep the peace or avoid isolation, but this can come off as being passive aggressive. In this way, we’ve sort have trained ourselves to interpret conversations in multiple ways in case there is a hidden meaning that the person didn’t want to say outright.
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